Friday, September 28, 2018

Adding Insult to Injury

The title for this post is a little dramatic but I'll cut to the chase. I'm in a funk.

It's just little things. Daily attitude struggles in our house, especially last week. The typical tiredness of mothering littles. This injury lingering for the past 5 weeks. Race week for the race I can't run. A Boston rejection added a little. Maybe it's still postpartum hormones.

Just little things adding up, nothing to complain about yet I'm still feeling worn. You know how it takes an extra effort to look on the bright side and choose to live each day with a smile? Though I know I have so much to be thankful for, I'm just feeling tired of fighting for optimism. Every day I'm reminding myself of how good God is to me. Every day! 

Yet I'm still struggling in this funk of being tired, feeling snappy and drowning in things that should be done. (<-- Maybe that's the problem; pressure on myself that doesn't need to be there.)

Anyways.

In running news last week (along with all the national news drama on top of that... uffda... it's a mess), the BAA announced the 2019 Boston Marathon 4:52 cut-off and that they are tightening the BQ standards by 5 minutes for 2020.

That means female runners in my age group will need a 3:30 to qualify, which I think is reasonable and a good move for the race. It's much better to lower the qualifying time rather than continue to increase the registration cut-off. Especially for those shooting for their first Boston, I can see how disheartening it is to cross the finish line of your first BQ, celebrating being #BostonBound, only to be turned down later! A lower qualifying standard is much more straight forward.


Though I thought I had no intention of ever returning to Boston, I registered on a whim last week with a 3:32:17 from Grandma's Marathon in June. The idea of sightseeing in Boston with my husband this time (my mom and I went last time) sounded like so much fun for a kid-free anniversary trip, and of course running the race is nothing less than epic. But alas, with only a QT-3:43, I was rejected.

Should that get me down? It shouldn't... I wasn't training for that goal and I was very happy with that finish time. But I won't lie, no one likes to be rejected and that certainly includes me. I felt disappointed. Can I blame that on postpartum hormones, too? Eh, okay I will.

And that brings us to now.

Race week of the race that I can't run because of a crazy injury 5 weeks ago. If it weren't for running with a dear friend of mine, I wouldn't bother going to the half marathon tomorrow. Though I should just be thankful I can even jog a half marathon! Hopefully I can. Let's not put the cart before the horse.

As I've thought about this little funk of mine, I've realized that God can use this time of injury and failure somehow for His glory, even on this blog, because reading about a person's successes is one thing but seeing a person handle adversity shows the true colors, character and where their faith stands.

I wake up every morning praying for extra patience to lovingly care for and teach our sweet THREEnager and FIVE-teen-year-old, and our now walking 10-month-old. My ministry to my family and homeschooling our children is my most important calling, and I know I need to choose joy and live in God's grace every day to do this well. To set my heart on these eternal relationships.

I have lost most any confidence I had in my ability run and any goals I had but that may recover in time too. Healing from this illiopsoas injury is the first step for now and then I hope to move on to a Spring marathon. I ordered Lauren Fleshman's Believe Training Journal and hope to chronicle my rehabbing process and return back to training via that. Isn't it cute? Cute is always motivating.


Now to just keep living each day in faith and for His glory, seeing the joy in the every day life. This song came on the radio today and my three-year-old said it's his favorite. I think it's my new favorite too.
I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
'Cause I'm worn
And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven come and flood my eyes
- "Worn" by Tenth Avenue North

Let's Connect!



Linking up with Holly and Wendy's Weekly Wrap Up.

6 comments:

  1. I agree powering through adversity shows true strength. We all get into these mental and physical funks from time to time. You got this

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  2. I think a lot of us are feeling like you right now--not only on the road, but off the road. There's just a lot of negativity in the world right now and it's hard to not get sucked in. Hang in there. You'll be back to form soon.

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  3. So sorry you're struggling, but I completely get it. Hopefully this too shall pass. I never understood how you could BQ but then not BQ. Do you think this will fix that?

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  4. Sorry things are tough right now! I would be pretty upset if I ran almost 4 minutes faster than a qualifying time and didnt get in to Boston. I just moved into the 35-39 age group so now my BQ goal will still be 3:35. I hope that they can actually let everyone in who qualifies now.

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  5. I'm sorry things feel tough for you. HUGS. I have no doubt with your faith and your strength, things will improve. Journaling (similar to blogging) is a great way to put your feelings on paper...acknowledge them. Thanks for linking!

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  6. I didn't realize you were injured!
    Thank you for this honest post, there's a lot I can relate to. I'm not nearly as speedy or accomplished as you, but I've been frustrated at my lack of time and energy (and, I'll be honest, motivation) to exercise lately. I'm still struggling to get back in a fitness groove and my baby is almost one year old! But like you I'm realized that this is just a season, and God has a plan for me here, even if I would like it to look different. It's for my good, his glory.

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